Many people know Murphy’s first law that if anything bad can happen, it will. But people should also be aware of another of Murphy’s laws that says when you get your child’s entire snowsuit on, they will only have to pee the instant the final zipper is drawn up or knot is tied. Of course you will have made sure they used the restroom before you even put the first leg of the long underwear on, but that will not matter, it is a physical response from the body of a child that a parent will never be able to control. The urges do not take hold when the pants are put on. The bladder does not constrict when the boots are laced. The whites of the eyes do not begin to yellow from the collar of the turtleneck. All these physical symptoms only present when the final mitten is in place or the hat is snuggly over the crown of the head. Some people may say this is a physical restriction, that all the clothing squeezes your poor little one’s bladder. Or that their body temperature rises, forcing the liquid straight into the bladder. And yet others will say that your children are doing it to spite you. There is no known medical phenomenon to explain this occurrence, but be sure that you know it’s going to happen and prepare by not double knotting anything above the waist. ~Kristi
Another closely related law that Murphy has afflicted upon the mothers of the world states when there is more than liquid in that diaper, it will be mommy’s turn to change the diaper. Philosophers and medical professionals alike have pondered for centuries on the root cause of this behavior. Fathers have exclaimed since the beginning of time that they can change a diaper as well as any woman. The question arises then, why does your child pick mommy’s turn to weigh down those Pampers with the two ton load of this morning’s strained peas? It is a mystery that has not yet been explained, but it is known that mothers have evolved to know how to hold two legs, baby powder, a fresh bum-wrap, and their nose all while cleaning their child with a single baby-wipe, and most can do it all in under thirty seconds without getting any on themselves. It has been hypothesized and stands to reason that your child is in complete and utter awe of your ability to multitask so well and she chooses you for poop duty if only to see you work your magic. So be ready for the heavier loads your bundle of joy will bestow upon you and accept them with the adoration and admiration of receiving the mommy version of an Oscar award. ~Kristi
Just about everyone has heard of Murphy’s Law, but not everyone is aware that it can be applied to motherhood. For example, let’s examine Murphy’s Law on diapers, which states that as soon as your child’s diaper is removed, she is going to pee. There’s no way of getting around it. All you can do is prepare in advance and hope that the mess is minimal. I have found that my own daughter prefers to pee as her bath is running. She has proven this to me on several occasions in which I have removed her diaper in final preparation for her bath. On each occasion, she quickly ran to a corner of the room (carpeted, of course!) and made a puddle. Without a doubt, I can one day use this to my advantage when I am ready to potty-train her, but in the meantime, I have come up with a new bath time ritual. I simply wait until the water is done running, remove her diaper as I’m placing her into the bath, and pray that she doesn’t pee in the tub. ~Mare
In keeping with the theme of bath time, let’s not forget the law that states that after your child is given a bath, she will undoubtedly find a way to make herself filthy again. She will pour a glass of milk over her head, or else draw all over herself with your most expensive lipstick. She may even decide to roll around on the dusty basement floor. My daughter prefers to splash around in the dog’s water bowl, inevitably covering herself with the slimy substance from within. It’s a possibility that she could still be in bath-mode and wants to continue splashing, or maybe she just wants to get revenge on me for having made her a prisoner of the tub. Regardless of the reasoning, one thing is for certain: as long as children will be required to bathe, they will work tirelessly to undo the effects of their unwanted cleanliness.~Mare
Every mother around the world knows that if they go out of their way to make a special dinner for their toddler, they won’t eat it. You make their all time favorite food, knowing very well they won’t want to eat the fancy grilled chicken breast you’ve made for yourself. Wouldn’t they much rather have grilled cheese, maybe some chicken nuggets, or the main staple of every man’s diet – Kraft dinner? You time it perfectly; the cheese is melting nicely between those two slices of bread in the frying pan. Your chicken is just about perfect, everything will be done at exactly the right time…which means you can actually sit and enjoy your meal together at the table, like a real family! You finally sit down to eat and see your son shaking his head at his perfect sandwich. It’s a no go. You try giving him some veggies from your plate. He doesn’t want that either, he’s pointing at your chicken. Ok, you think to yourself, I’ll give him a few pieces, little stinker won’t like it anyways. Well, I guess I’ll have the grilled cheese…~Jen
Why is it that babies only poop in clean diapers? It never fails, it’s been awhile since that last diaper change, so you figure you’d better get a nice dry one on. Not even a minute later, you get a whiff of that familiar odor. Happens everytime! Or else it’ll happen the minute you take them outside of the house, like in the car, a walk in the park… I have a friend though, her son would not poop anywhere outside of his own home. We’d go to the mall, and every single time, I’d end up with a stinky baby…hers would keep on smelling like roses. Now that is a good baby!~Jen
Murphy’s motherhood law states that anything that can go wrong will go wrong. I find this to be oh so true when it comes to motherhood. You have your house all nice and clean and sparkling, company ready and not one soul comes to your door. Then suddenly you hear a crash and go running to find, the baby has poured a whole bottle of juice on the floor and is soaking wet and crying. This is the time the phone chooses to ring and the mailman knocks on the door to deliver a letter to the former occupants of your aparment. You are dripping wet and sticky, your child is screaming and you have to get to the door somehow without tracking the juice. At this precise moment your other child upchucks everywhere. You get to the door, send the postman on his way and finally get to clean up your children. And you can also guarantee that the day your house looks the worst is the day you WILL have company!~Thelma
Another example of this cruel Murphy’s Law of Motherhood phenomenon would be the dishwasher disaster. Your baby is only 6 weeks old. You are still tender from your C-section and your mother just left the day before. You get up to start the day and things are looking up in the world. There is only a bit of laundry to be done, and you just finished loading the dishwasher, putting in detergent, you start the dishwasher and sit down to nurse your hungry baby. Suddenly from the dining area you hear your 3 year old laughing hysterically saying “Mommy the dishwasher has bubble lava”. You are like “What?” So you continue to nurse, juggling little Miss Munchy Lips and walking to the kitchen. You look in……….gobs and gobs and massive amounts of white, soapy bubbles are pouring from every nook and cranny of the dishwasher and flooding the kitchen. The blob is growing out of control and Miss Munchy Lips is beginning to protest being moved while she eats. And Mr. Giggle Pants, well….he is still laughing hysterically. So you lay the baby on a blanket in the middle of the living room floor, tell your 3 year old don’t move and grab some towels. Mean time you have forgotten to close your top and nursing bra. As you mumble and complain and wonder why your dishwasher is spewing soapy lava….you see it. The tell tale sign that sleep deprivation has gotten to you. There on the counter, above the dishwasher, is the Dawn dishwashing liquid which says somewhere on the bottle- Not intended for dishwasher use! So now you know, but it doesnt matter, because you are obviously knee deep in bubbles while in the background, Mr. Giggle Pants is still laughing and is now clapping his hands too. And Miss Munchy Lips is SCREAMING her head off. So you grab towels and sheets and blankets and suddenly realize the bra you forgot to fasten is still open and you are spraying milk everywhere! At this precise moment your husband decides to phone and ask “How is your day?” As you begin to cry, Miss Munchy Lips is screaming and as you’re trying to ignore your child’s pleas to talk to daddy, you let loose-only to slip in the bubbles and get your butt wet. He asks “Well should I come home?” in a tone you would rather not listen to. You answer no, you get the bubbles cleaned up and the 3 year old a snack and finally pick up Miss Munchy Lips and feed her despite your soggy and dripping hair, wet bra, and wet shirt You get the baby fed and to sleep, then your husband comes in and says, “Wow the kitchen floor looks NICE”.~Thelma
Another example of Murphy’s Law of motherhood is the moment you get dressed to go out, you will get touched by sticky hand or spit up on. I ask you, is there something in the fabrics of our best clothes that attract babies and children like magnets? I will never forget the time a guy at the hardware store was checking out my bum. I was slightly embarrassed but still impressed with myself! I mean, man I still had it! So later, I return home only to have my husband point and laugh at my “man magnet” fanny; an imprint with a small chocolate handprint from my sweet three year old.~Jennifer
As mothers, we also know Murphy’s Law of motherhood states that with every holiday your child will definitely be sick. I gifted my mother with this many times as a child, and now my own children take turns at the holiday with fevers, rashes or some other ailment to cause me worry and concern. There was one Christmas I remember well, where not one of my children were sick. I was relaxed and smug. I mean they were, for once, not sick! We were skipped by fate! Then grandma brought out the eggnog. Big mistake! The ride home was the grand finale of eggnog vomit. What made me think that I was to escape what all mothers know? Children get sick on the holidays. Should I ever forget, the car is still a reminder.~Jennifer
One of the most common Murphy’s laws of parenthood is that your baby will demand to eat as soon as you start making dinner. There is special brain wiring in their hearing that as soon as they hear you start the oven or opening a can, it triggers their stomach to say that it’s empty. Many mothers have tried to hold off their children’s stomach by feeding them right before they start making dinner, to no avail. Some mothers have even tried the old trick of giving their baby cereal or a jar of baby food before they start dinner, before they realize that they are going to have to suck it up and feed the baby while preparing dinner. Or they can learn an amazing trick of the trade- start the can opener, wait for the tell tale cry of hunger, feed your baby, and then go back to making dinner. Of course, ten minutes later, your baby will then need a diaper change. ~Mary
Yet another law of motherhood is that as soon as you sit down to read a book, magazine or have some time on the computer, craziness WILL break out in your house. Your toddler will start running around like crazy, which in effect will wake up your newborn. Your newborn will start screaming, and as you go to care and tend for her, you hear the tell tale sound of your toddler dumping all of his toys out of his toy box that you just spent an hour organizing and cleaning. As you carry the baby and go in the room to clean up the mess that your toddler just made, you will feel the warm wetness start on your shoulder and slowly creep its way down your shirt as your baby spits up his lunch all over you. After time has gone by, most mothers realize that in order to get time to themselves, they need to look like they are really busy. ~Mary
Murphy’s law of parenting could not be complete without the fact that regardless of what you are serving for dinner someone will either not like some part of it, have eaten it earlier that day (i.e.: DH ate lunch out at work and ordered EXACTLY the same thing), or insist that it looks or smells funny. This holds true for even the simplest meals from grilled chicken (they have those wierd black marks on them) to pizza (it has tomato sauce and that’s a vegetable and I don’t eat vegetables), to spaghetti and meatballs (same veggie complaint and the spaghetti is wiggly like worms and I don’t eat worms). ~Carrie
Another of Murphy’s marvelous laws of motherhood states that regardless how quiet you are when you sneak off for some “you” time, all sleeping or quiet and content children will wake or need something. Whether you are trying to catch up on emails, posting in a forum, reading a novel that has sat unfinished for months, thumbing through last nights paper, or soaking in the tub, you can be sure someone somewhere in your house will need something from you. This law holds true whether daddy is available or not, only mommy will do. This law also has articles and clauses that state that even though you calm, sooth or please the child in need, as soon as he is content, another will need something until all children have, in turn been contented and now the opportunity for “you” has passed. Dinner needs to be cooked, the school bus has arrived, the telephone is ringing, the dog need to be let out or the dryer signal is buzzing. The truth has just stuck you. “You” never come first, something else always needs to be done, and that’s ok. That’s part of being mommy; a job you would never quit. You know that regardless of the long hours, poor pay, messes to clean and years of worry that the pictures on the fridge, smiles on tiny faces and memories in your heart make it all worth it. ~Carrie